New Things My Children Taught Me

Last night for Family Home Evening (yeah I know, wrong night, but it was the night that worked for us this week) Jessica, Joshua and Daniel taught Bill and I how to do a power point presentation.  What a rush!!  It was not as difficult as I thought it would be.  On one of the jobs that I am applying for has it in the computer skills recommended section.  It was the only thing on the posting that I didn't know how to do--so the children said "No problem Mom, we will tutor you."  What a hoot!  We had so much fun.  I will be making several power points over the next week to make sure I know how to do it before my testing next Friday at the career center.  Now I am thinking that someone needs to teach me about Excell.  It might come up. . .

Easter is coming!!

Easter is coming so fast.  I am excited as I prepare this year.  Excited because General Conference will be on Easter Sunday and that just seems to make it extra special.  We have many traditions that go with Easter, however the ones that have endured are our 12 eggs that tell the Easter story with scripture and objects and Easter Cookies.  I thought I would post the recipe for the cookies.  I found this when my children were quite young--I believe that Rachel was just in first grade.  As our children have grown, we have noticed that they have become more reverent as we move through this process.  I believe that it has given them a greater understanding of the meaning of Easter itself.  So here it is. . .

Easter Cookie Recipe

Making cookies with your children to teach the true meaning of EASTER!

“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father.) full of grace and truth.

--John 1: 14

You will need

1 cup whole pecans

1 tsp vinegar

3 egg whites

Pinch of salt

1 cup sugar

Zip lock type 1 quart bag

Wooden spoon

Tape

Bible

Easter Cookies

Preheat the oven to 300 (This is important-don’t wait until you’re half done with this recipe to turn on the oven. DO IT FIRST)

1. Place the pecans in t baggie and let the kids beat them with the wooden spoon to break them into pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19: 1-3
2. Put the vinegar into a mixing bowl. Let each child smell the vinegar. Explain that when Jesus was on the cross, he became thirsty. He was offered vinegar to drink. Read John 19: 28-30
3. Add the egg whites to the vinegar. The eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life so that we could have life. Read John 10: 10-11
4. Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand and let them taste it. Put the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23: 27
5. So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Ad 1 cup of sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know Him—to belong to Him. Read Psalm 34: 8 and John 3: 16
6. Beat the egg whites with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes, until stiff speaks form. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been washed away by the atonement of Jesus Christ. Read Isaiah 1: 18 and John 3: 1-3
7. Fold in the broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto a wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where the body of Jesus was laid to rest. Read Matthew 27: 57-60
8. Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven off.
9. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the door. Explain that the tomb in which Jesus was laid was sealed. Read Matthew 27: 65-66
10. Go to bed. Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight and that the followers of Jesus were in despair when the tomb was sealed.
Read John 16: 20-22
11. On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! ON THE FIRST EASTER, those who loved and followed Jesus were amazed to find His tomb empty. Read Matthew 28: 1-9

As Josh Would Say "I've Got SKYLZ!!

Today I finished my resume.  What a huge rush!!  The world does a pretty good job of telling those who choose to stay home and raise their children, that they don't have much value.  In church we learn that as mothers we are fulfilling our greatest purpose.  I have taken great joy in this purpose over the years, so being told I had to make a resume that had value in the world seemed like an insurmountable task.  So this evening Bill and I sat down, following the guidlines I was given at the career center created my resume.  It was a gueling 3 hour process, however now that we are done, it looks great.  Interestingly, I had no idea I could do as much as I can do.  Tomorrow I take it to the career center to be reviewed.  Hopefully they will like it too.

LIsten To The Words Within Music

At 2 am this moring I awoke to music.  Singing to be exact.  After searching the house and finding everyone asleep, I stopped, stood still and began to listen to the words.  I was surprised to hear the words of one of my favorite Hymns.

  

" How firm a foundatin, ye Saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

What more can he say than to you he hath said,

Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,

Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In every condition--in sickness in health,

In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,

At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--

As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand

As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Up-held by my righteous, up-held by my righteous,

Up-held by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters, I call the to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deapest distress

And sanctify to the thy deapest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove

My sov'reighn, eternal, unchangeable love;

And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,

Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never ,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

--How Firm a Foundation, Robert Keen--1787

LDS Hymnbook #85

I listened as the singing kept repeating over and over, sitting in our chair that massages my back, pondering the message that my Heavenly Father had sent to me.  For me the 3rd verse has always been my favorite, and in church we usually on sing the first 3 verses, however as I listened to the words to the rest of the song, I came to the realization that this song was for the long haul.  A lifetime promise of our Heavenly Father's help, as he stands by us through everything.  I then remembered something my grandmother used to tell me--"Cheryl, Heavenly Father rarely gives us what we want, He gives us what we need."  After crawling back in bed around 5 am I came to the following conclusion.  There is obviously purpose in this challenge I am facing.  I may not be able to see it right now, but I know that Heavenly Father will be right beside me every step of the way. 

Who knows what I will learn this time. . .

This picture is titled "Fear Not" and I am the little girl, reaching up.

Choices and Consequenses

Twenty-six and a half years ago I made a choice.  Bill had asked me to marry him and I after a few days said yes.  That wasn't the choice.  The choice came after when it became apparent that he was going to BYU (Brigham Young University) and I had scholarships to ISU (Idaho State University).  My ACT scores were not high enough at that time for me to go to BYU, so for me to transfer was not an option.  At that time, my mother, Bill's mother, my grandmother and my Aunt Millie advised that I should quit school and support Bill while he finished school.  He was the man and would be the bread winner so to speak.  It was what was done during that time.  So I did.  But I did it with a plan.  The plan was that he would finish, then I would return to  school to get my degree.  Like so many of my long term plans--Cheryl has a plan and God has a plan.  By the time Bill graduated, Rachel was born and Mandy was on the way.  So I made a new plan.  The new plan was that when the children were all in school, I would return to school and get my degree.  Yep, you guessed it.  God had another plan too.  By the time Daniel was in school, we were already taking care of Bill's parents.  Over the years my mother has said many times that she wished she had given me different advise.  Who knows if I would have made a different choice.  The world we live in now is so different from the way it was back then.  It is hard for some to see how this would even be a choice.  It is just the way things were.  So now Ethel is in a nursing home, the children are in school soooooo I can go to school?  Nope, this time the State of Missouri has a plan. 

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a letter from the FSD devision of the state.  The fact is that due to my husbands current job, we really make very little money.  In addition there isn't any insurance for the children.  With Josh being diabetic we went to the state for help.  The children are on Medicaid and we get food stamps.  For those in my family who would look down on me for this decision, I would suggest that you take a hard look inside and think what you would tell your child who is hungry, wanting dinner, and the food storage is all gone.  I believe that faced with simular situation you too would go for help.  Anyway, we knew that if we put Ethel in a nursing home, I would have to return to work.  However we thought I would get to go to school first.  The fact is that I don't mind so much going back to work.  What I mind is that I don't get to go to school. 

Today I spent two and a half hours learning how to find a job.  Apperantly I have quite a lot of skills from being a mom all these years that are what they call "Transferable Skills" in the job force.  So this weekend I have to create a resume using this skill base.  Write cover letters and apply for at least four jobs each week for the next eight weeks or until I find a job, whatever comes first.  So now I have a new plan--find a job.  Maybe going back to school will come someday.  You never know, I could be that really old person, using a walker to get around on campus.  We will see.  It will be time, when it is time. 

So how do I feel about all this?  Fact is that I am quite angry.  Angry that a choice I made twenty-six years ago keeps coming back to bite me in the butt.  Angry that I grew up in a time that didn't value education for women, and because of that the only advise I could be given was to quit school.  So I have a few things to say. 

One if the proudest days of my life was the day Becky graduated from college, followed by Sarah graduating.  The were the pioneers in our family.  The first women to finish college.  They made it!!  I am so proud of Rachel for sticking with school even though she is married and it would be easier for her not to go.  I am proud of Mandy for continuing to find and begin again her education even though injury stopped her from her first choice--she too is still in school when it would be easier for her to not be in school.  I am proud of Barbara who is just starting out in college, so far from her family.  All of these amazing women moving forward, having gotten or currently getting thier education. 

MOTHERS; you who are bringing up this generation of daughters, teach your precious girls the importance of going to college, of getting as much education as they can.  You never know when you are going to need it.  In doing so you will be protecting them from a future with little or no choices. 

Am I sorry that I married Bill?  Absolutly NOT!!  He is the very air that I breathe, and the life we have created together has been a good life.  We have loved, laughed and we have lived.  We have been challenged and conquered many things.  We will conquere this as well.  We have been blessed and continue to be blessed.  I found this quote in my email today.  How timely...how needed.

"When the winds blow and the rains pour, they blow and pour on all. Those who have built their foundations on bedrock rather than sand survive the storms. There is a way to build on bedrock by developing a deep personal conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowing how to receive inspiration. We must know-and know that we know. We must stand spiritually and temporally independent of all worldly creatures. This begins by understanding that God the Father is the Father of our spirits and that He loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and Savior, and that the Holy Ghost can communicate with our minds and our hearts. This is how we receive inspiration. We need to learn how to recognize and apply these promptings."

--Allan F. Packer, "Finding Strength in Challenging Times", Ensign, May 2009, 17-19

Miracles

I am a firm believer in miracles.  I was looking at my children this today and marveling at just how amazing they are.  After talking to Rachel on the phone about nothing in particular, just life things--reading an e-mail from Matt of how his week went--watching Mandy go through old papers in her grandmother's room-- Jessica, Josh and Daniel doing the dishes, joking around and working together to get it done--all these things just everyday, ordinary things, and yet in my mind my thoughts were the same as the first time I looked into each of their faces.  What an amazing miracle my children are!!  Each on so different, and yet each bound to the others as family.  Sometimes I feel that I forget the everyday miracles that are around us.  I just don't always search them out. Ordinary things that happen so frequently that I forget that they are indeed miracles.  In all of this there are times that I forget just how wonderous each day is.  A gift really, given to us by our Heavenly Father.  A Miracle.

P.S. for those who are blessed with wonderful spelling skills, Bill wasn't available for consultation, so please excuse any bad spelling :)

Where is the popcorn??

I looked out the window and what did I see?

4 inches of snow on the first day of Spring.

Spring has brought me such a big surprise.

Icicles dripping right before my eyes.

I can take an armful and then I'll freeze.

Shoveling the sidewalk is so NOT a breeze.

It was absolutely so, how can it be this thing?

4 inches of snow on the first day of spring.

Yep 4 inches of snow. . .I can't believe it.

Happy St Patricks Day!!

Happy St Patricks Day Everyone!!

This is one of the most fun days of the year.  In our family we do everything green.  We wear green and we eat green.  Tonight we are having Green Eggs and Ham.  Translation--roasted bell pepper and turkey ham quiche.  We are having the missionaries over for dinner tonight.  I can't wait to get pictures of thier reactions.  I will post them soon.  Most of all I wish many blessings on all those around me.

Elder Matt and Change

Matthew sent us a couple of pictures of a family that had 2 sons baptized this past week.  He tells us that other members of this family have become active during the time they have been teaching these boys. 

This is the Kelley Family

The two boys are Donovan and Kuinton Kelley being baptized by their brothers.  Matthew looks well and happy.  It is wonderful the work he is doing.

Other things in my life this past week have been wierd.  Most of the time I feel as if my brain is in a constant whirl, and other times I wonder if I even still have a brain.  Of course I found the perfect brain whirl art.

Actually, I spent most of this past week in the dark with a migraine.  I hate migraines.  I hate the dark.  I am basically a creature of light.  Bill has teased me many times about being a lizzard or cat that could just sit in the sun and be content.  Sometimes I think the reason he picked our home is because our bedroom has 7 large windows.  The room can be totally suffused with light.  This becomes a problem when a migraine strikes.  Then I can NOT even bear even the tinyest bit of light.  We have blinds, but sometimes even that is not enough.  That is when the children cover the windows with thick blankets.  And still it is not enough. . . never enough.  About the only good that comes from these 3-10 day jaunts of darkness, is that I have tons of time to think.  This past time, I decided that I needed to stop fighting the pain.  To sort of ride it like a surf board on a wave.  Did it help?   Sometimes.   I wonder what is the purpose of migraine pain.  Every medicine that they have given me over the years has caused an allergic reaction.  So I endure.  Over the years I have had many tests to try and figure out why I have them.  The only conclusions that are consistant are my own--they come with the storms.  And the purpose?  Just part of the journey that we are all on in this life.  Guess what?  I have a picture for that too.  (For those who wonder about the pictures and feeling things--my GYN told me that I needed to write about my feelings about things that are changing inside me, accept them and find a picture to illustrate them.  This is to help me with this metamorphosis the world calls abrupt menopause.  As it is easier to type then write, and as many of my friends will follow this path, this is where I choose to write about this.)

This picture is actually called "The Journey"

Grandma

Spring 1988

This is my Grandma Viola Martin McComb Crossley.  For those who have heard me talk of her over the years, this is THE grandma.  Today marks the 17th anniversery of her death, and for some reason I miss her more today, than I have for years.  She has been much in my mind over the past months.  She has been and still is the voice in my head when choices must be made, as I wonder what she would do.  In my head I hear her say "Have you taken it to the Lord, Cheryl?"  If I had to sum up her life in one phrase, I believe it would be Love of God and Family.  Shortly after my oldest daughter, Rachel, was born, we had a 4 generation picture taken

 

December 25, 1985

Grandma holding babies is one of my strongest images in my memory.  She loved children.  Shortly after she passed, I wrote this poem. 

My grandma was a woman 

of quite modest means

Yet when grandma died

She left me so many things.

Grandma had so many talents

tinking of them makes me dizzy.

She lived by the adage

keep small hands busy.

Her hands seemed to fly with

crocheting and knitting.

I never once saw her

in a chair just sitting.

She left me a book

having nurtured my love to read

And in my children today

I plant that seed.

She was a great storyteller

just give her a line.

She’d start right there

and loose track of time.

When you had a problem

she said “Here I am!”

And she listened and talked

as we made choke cherry jam.

She taught me to find

beauty in very small things

Like the joy that is found

when to a child one sings

Children were her focus

here whole life through

She nurtured and cared for them

even after they grew.

When I think of my grandma,

I can still feel her love.

And I hope she is smiling

down from heaven above.

When I remember Grandma now, I think of her arms around me as she hugged me and kissed me on the forehead, smelling of vanilla and chocolate chip cookies.  I think of her as I knit--remembering her sitting me down at age 7 and telling me that I needed stillness lessons.  She is all around me, part of who I have become and because of that I am enriched.  Here are just a few pictures of her life with family.

Here she is with my Grandpa McComb, Aunt Mick and Mom on thier laps.

In the kitchen with Aunt Mick.

May 26, 1961

Here she is with mom and aunt Mick at their graduation. 

 

July 3, 1982

She is in the background at a picnic.  She loved picnics and when Uncle Mike and Aunt Jeannine came to town, the world stopped so we could be with them.  We loved it when Uncle Mike came to visit--chores were set aside and fun began.

1988

She was very happy with this picture of her and Grandpa Crossley.  She felt it was a good picture of her. 

Fall 1992

Here she is at the last picnic she was able to enjoy up at Justice park.  She is here with Grandpa Crossley, Mom, my sister Sarah and brother Joe.  Oh how she loved going on a picnic. 

I love you Grandma--Thank you.

One Really Busy Week

Who knew that one week could be so busy.  First, Ethel is doing well at Arbor View.  She seems happy and is adjusting pretty well for a first week.  Here she is with Mandy and Jessica in her room.

Also this week I sent my box to my Ravelry Swap Secret Pal.  I made several things for this box whose theme was St Patricks day--think green, celtic, etc.  For this I knit some fingerless mitts with a braided cable.  This was such a fun pattern, I am making another pair right away.  For those who know me, I don't usually like to do repeat patterns, let along one right after another.  I love the way these feel and look.

I also made some earings and some beaded stitch holders.  I added a few more things, and sent the box.

Finally, yesterday was my birthday.  I spent the day in a rather lazy manner--reading, bubble bath, watching DVD's.  Bill took me to dinner and then we went to a musical.  Jessica is in the pit of Annie Get Your Gun.  It was wonderful!!  To see a play that I was in 27 years ago.  The were better than we were then.  The set design, costumes and even the placement of the orchestra pit, were in the finest manner.  The actors did a wonderful job.  The music arrangement was different than the one I did--less western, more bluesy/jazz.  I loved it.  Even Bill who hates musicals really enjoyed himself. 

Next notice the placement of the band/orchestra.  It is at the back of the stage, set up as if it was wa in the back corner of the big top, just as the band would have been in in the real Wild West show back in the days of when this was patterned after.  It was an inspired choice.  Major thumbs up.

Here is a picture of Jessica at the end of the day. 

  What a great gift for my birthday. 

This Way and That Way

This morning we got a call from the hospital that they were releasing Ethel to go to the nursing home.  Since she would have round the clock nursing there, she could leave the hospital sooner than if she were to come home.  Good news is that we visited the facilities available last night for Family Home Evening, then voted.  It was unanimous--Arbor View.  Orginally we weren't even considering this place because it has such a low score at medicare.gov web page that rankes all nursing homes in the US, however it is really close to our home, ( only 2 miles, walking distance) and so we felt we should at least look.  Besides it was on the way to the one that scored the best.  We were immediatly enchanted with the residents, who were proud to show us thier home.  They were friendly, cheerful and gave us the whole scoop on the nurses, activities, food, and the rooms.  They even gave us a guided tour, with several making sure we saw their room.  You see we went when we knew the nurses would be busy with report.  We didn't want to hear the sales pitch, we wanted to talk to the residents who lived there.  We felt it was a place of joy and a feeling of family.  Next we went to the facility that had the highest ranking.  I had a dark feeling.  The residents were encouraged to stay in their rooms if they were not involved with the current activities.  So I asked to see the activity schedule.  All the activities were bible study and prayer meetings of all the various denominations here in town.  OK so I don't really have a problem with bible study or prayer meetings, but that was the only thing on the schedule with the exception of St Patricks day and bingo 2 times a month.  The residents didn't seem to want to talk to us,  actually seemed somewhat fearful, I guess is the best way to describe it.  Also it took me going down 5 rather large halls to even find a nurse or a tech, the farther I got into the facility, the more it smelled bad.  Then when I found a nurse, only 1, he was yelling at one of the residents,  even I could tell she didn't understand what was going on.  We left.  Two of the other facilities in town,  I was visiting teacher to sisters who lived there.  I wouldn't send someone I hate to either of those places.  The last place, Bill makes deliveries to each week.  He wasn't impressed.  So she is at Arbor view--they welcomed her and immediately told her that she didn't need to be afraid.  They had felt the same when they got there.  When we left she was smiling, listening and watching those around her. 

 I feel good about this place.  It just feels right.  So why do I feel like the picture above--like I am being pulled in different directions?

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this type of art, it is called fractal art and is made on a computer using math.  I don't know how, as math is NOT my strong suit, however I have loved fractal art for several years.  It seems to illustrate emotions very well and is just plain pretty.  Since I am one ball of really intense hormones right now and there is much of this art that looks like I feel inside, you will probably be seeing a lot of it over the next year or so--but that is a thought for another day.

Choices

This past weekend has been so difficult for us.  Ethel is in the hospital once again.  This time she was bleeding inside her digestive tract--a LOT.  Her vitals were thready and bad and she was very close to death.  Then on Sunday, she rebounded and is doing so much better.  That being said, her care is going to be so much more difficult and with my continuing health issues that will be another 18 or so months before I will be well completely,  we have had to make a difficult decision.  Ethel will be going from the hospital to a nursing home.  We have cared for Ethel to the best that is in us for 9 years.  Often we have considered the good of Ethel instead of the good of the rest of the family.  It is time to think of the good of the family.  This is the type of choice that is the kind that twists you up inside.  It was made prayerfully, and all in the family had a say in the final decision.  It is the way we work as a family.  I know it is time, but inside I feel like the picture above.  Tonight we will go and visit the facilities on our short list.  Then it will be time to make a decision.  My head hurts.