What is that x for again??

Soooooooo a ton of stuff happened this week. I made out my 4 applications as instructed. Then I attended my JSAK (Job Seeking And Keeping) classes on Wednesday and Thursday. It was a total of 7 hours class time learning how to look for a job effectively and then how to keep the job you find after you find it. At the end of the second day they asked me if I could stay a bit after class. Since I wasn't really going anywhere on account of your dad had the car and I needed to wait for him to get off work and come and get me, I smiled and said "No Problem."


So that is when they sent me downstairs to the adult education center. There I was told that since I was ahead of the game a bit, I might want to take advantage of some of the education programs that they had. Also they wanted me to take some tests. Now I have to say, I am not certain why I was ahead of the game. I had only completed the things that they told me to do, when they told me to do them. Since I didn't really want to go to work, I had decided NOT to do anything more than was required. Next thing I know I am signed up for all kinds of tests and several computer classes.


Friday was my first set of tests. The consisted of 8 skills tests, that tested my abilities and education level. Following that I took a personality and interest tests. Guess what?? I have a personality. This took 3 hours, at the end of which I found that I had the ability to do anything (Grandma Crossley was right, I could be anything I wanted to be) however my interests and personality sort of clash a bit. Apparently I have the interest and desires to be a nurse or caregiver, but my personality is of the sort that I would probably end up telling some patient to "get real, there are more suffering than you." I suppose that would be bad. . .very bad! After those tests I took a diagnostic GED test. I know, I graduated and have a diploma, however that was 28 years ago. Fact is I did far better than they ever expected in all the areas with the exception of the literature and of course MATH. I was disappointed with the reading comp score. They told me that I over think things.
Now for the Math--I swear I was reading Chinese. First they told me that I needed to buy a scientific calculater. So I did. Wow, there are a ton of buttons. So I decided that I would do all the examples in the instruction manual. Guess what?? I can follow instructions really well. I can push the buttons they tell you to, however. . .well just what good does it do to tell you to push buttons, when you don't really know what the buttons are doing, or even what function you want it to do. So I guess that would be a problem. Next up in the problem department. . .well on the first problem, I thought I knew what to do. I did the problem 4 times and got the same answer--the problem???? It wasn't any of the available answers on the test. The next problem was about a post in the ground with a wire on it going into the ground. There was as 70 degree angle of the wire to the ground and the wire was 234 feet long. So I had no idea how to do this one, but I put my finger on the wire and decided that it was a bit longer than the post, so I looked for an answer that was a little bit shorter than the wire. I got that one right, but I am pretty sure that is so NOT the way to get the answer. After that I really didn't understand what they were asking, let alone what function I needed to do to get the answer--oh and this was in the calculator section. I did't get any of the questions except the wire question right.  Apparently I am not even good a guessing on compicated math things.  Guess I need a lot of help. Good news is that I have a tutor--So to the Dad of Professor, Lion, Princess and Bean--Oh dear, I guess we have to start at the begining.  I so hope you have tons of patience.  This stuff just doesn't even make sense.  Perhaps I need a translator as well or maybe you could do both??


On Monday I take the test agian officailly--it is called the WIN test. I told them it was too soon. They said that they needed a baseline and that I can take the test up to 5 times before I take an entrance exam. Oh yes!! I am going back to school!!!! Apparently I have shown great potential, so they are going to help me out. I have an appointment at Missour Western with the director of Non-Traditional students. Yep, I am going to be a NON-TRAD!! I am so excited, I can hardly stand it. Now I just have to figure out how to fill out the FAFSA forms.  Good thing I have children who are good at this.  So it begins. . . .

General Conference--Happy Easter

This past weekend I have been fed spiritually.  Conference is always a treat, however this year it happens to be on Easter.  It has been amazing.  What a blessing that I live in a time when I can hear the Prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson speak right in my front room via the internet.  I remember as a child we could only get conference on the radio.  I am not sure if that was the only way it was available or if it was only because we didn't have a TV.  As a child it was sort of a voice that was talking, but not really real (I wouldn't have done well growing up in the radio only time of the early 19oo's)  Now I can see the eyes and exressions of these beloved men who serve the Lord and teach us every 6 months.  Our famiy were gathered around Bill's laptop, watching and listening to the messages given.  We sang our favored Easter hymns with the chiors and listened to the speakers.  I felt joy at the things I am doing right, and encouraged to do better in the things I fall short.  The spirit was strong.  I feel blessed.

New Things My Children Taught Me

Last night for Family Home Evening (yeah I know, wrong night, but it was the night that worked for us this week) Jessica, Joshua and Daniel taught Bill and I how to do a power point presentation.  What a rush!!  It was not as difficult as I thought it would be.  On one of the jobs that I am applying for has it in the computer skills recommended section.  It was the only thing on the posting that I didn't know how to do--so the children said "No problem Mom, we will tutor you."  What a hoot!  We had so much fun.  I will be making several power points over the next week to make sure I know how to do it before my testing next Friday at the career center.  Now I am thinking that someone needs to teach me about Excell.  It might come up. . .

Easter is coming!!

Easter is coming so fast.  I am excited as I prepare this year.  Excited because General Conference will be on Easter Sunday and that just seems to make it extra special.  We have many traditions that go with Easter, however the ones that have endured are our 12 eggs that tell the Easter story with scripture and objects and Easter Cookies.  I thought I would post the recipe for the cookies.  I found this when my children were quite young--I believe that Rachel was just in first grade.  As our children have grown, we have noticed that they have become more reverent as we move through this process.  I believe that it has given them a greater understanding of the meaning of Easter itself.  So here it is. . .

Easter Cookie Recipe

Making cookies with your children to teach the true meaning of EASTER!

“And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father.) full of grace and truth.

--John 1: 14

You will need

1 cup whole pecans

1 tsp vinegar

3 egg whites

Pinch of salt

1 cup sugar

Zip lock type 1 quart bag

Wooden spoon

Tape

Bible

Easter Cookies

Preheat the oven to 300 (This is important-don’t wait until you’re half done with this recipe to turn on the oven. DO IT FIRST)

1. Place the pecans in t baggie and let the kids beat them with the wooden spoon to break them into pieces. Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19: 1-3
2. Put the vinegar into a mixing bowl. Let each child smell the vinegar. Explain that when Jesus was on the cross, he became thirsty. He was offered vinegar to drink. Read John 19: 28-30
3. Add the egg whites to the vinegar. The eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life so that we could have life. Read John 10: 10-11
4. Sprinkle a little salt into each child’s hand and let them taste it. Put the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus’ followers, and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23: 27
5. So far the ingredients are not very appetizing. Ad 1 cup of sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know Him—to belong to Him. Read Psalm 34: 8 and John 3: 16
6. Beat the egg whites with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes, until stiff speaks form. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God’s eyes of those whose sins have been washed away by the atonement of Jesus Christ. Read Isaiah 1: 18 and John 3: 1-3
7. Fold in the broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto a wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where the body of Jesus was laid to rest. Read Matthew 27: 57-60
8. Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven off.
9. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the door. Explain that the tomb in which Jesus was laid was sealed. Read Matthew 27: 65-66
10. Go to bed. Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight and that the followers of Jesus were in despair when the tomb was sealed.
Read John 16: 20-22
11. On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! ON THE FIRST EASTER, those who loved and followed Jesus were amazed to find His tomb empty. Read Matthew 28: 1-9

As Josh Would Say "I've Got SKYLZ!!

Today I finished my resume.  What a huge rush!!  The world does a pretty good job of telling those who choose to stay home and raise their children, that they don't have much value.  In church we learn that as mothers we are fulfilling our greatest purpose.  I have taken great joy in this purpose over the years, so being told I had to make a resume that had value in the world seemed like an insurmountable task.  So this evening Bill and I sat down, following the guidlines I was given at the career center created my resume.  It was a gueling 3 hour process, however now that we are done, it looks great.  Interestingly, I had no idea I could do as much as I can do.  Tomorrow I take it to the career center to be reviewed.  Hopefully they will like it too.

LIsten To The Words Within Music

At 2 am this moring I awoke to music.  Singing to be exact.  After searching the house and finding everyone asleep, I stopped, stood still and began to listen to the words.  I was surprised to hear the words of one of my favorite Hymns.

  

" How firm a foundatin, ye Saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in his excellent word!

What more can he say than to you he hath said,

Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior,

Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In every condition--in sickness in health,

In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,

At home or abroad, on the land or the sea--

As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand

As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Up-held by my righteous, up-held by my righteous,

Up-held by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters, I call the to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow,

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deapest distress

And sanctify to the thy deapest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove

My sov'reighn, eternal, unchangeable love;

And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn,

Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never ,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake!

--How Firm a Foundation, Robert Keen--1787

LDS Hymnbook #85

I listened as the singing kept repeating over and over, sitting in our chair that massages my back, pondering the message that my Heavenly Father had sent to me.  For me the 3rd verse has always been my favorite, and in church we usually on sing the first 3 verses, however as I listened to the words to the rest of the song, I came to the realization that this song was for the long haul.  A lifetime promise of our Heavenly Father's help, as he stands by us through everything.  I then remembered something my grandmother used to tell me--"Cheryl, Heavenly Father rarely gives us what we want, He gives us what we need."  After crawling back in bed around 5 am I came to the following conclusion.  There is obviously purpose in this challenge I am facing.  I may not be able to see it right now, but I know that Heavenly Father will be right beside me every step of the way. 

Who knows what I will learn this time. . .

This picture is titled "Fear Not" and I am the little girl, reaching up.

Choices and Consequenses

Twenty-six and a half years ago I made a choice.  Bill had asked me to marry him and I after a few days said yes.  That wasn't the choice.  The choice came after when it became apparent that he was going to BYU (Brigham Young University) and I had scholarships to ISU (Idaho State University).  My ACT scores were not high enough at that time for me to go to BYU, so for me to transfer was not an option.  At that time, my mother, Bill's mother, my grandmother and my Aunt Millie advised that I should quit school and support Bill while he finished school.  He was the man and would be the bread winner so to speak.  It was what was done during that time.  So I did.  But I did it with a plan.  The plan was that he would finish, then I would return to  school to get my degree.  Like so many of my long term plans--Cheryl has a plan and God has a plan.  By the time Bill graduated, Rachel was born and Mandy was on the way.  So I made a new plan.  The new plan was that when the children were all in school, I would return to school and get my degree.  Yep, you guessed it.  God had another plan too.  By the time Daniel was in school, we were already taking care of Bill's parents.  Over the years my mother has said many times that she wished she had given me different advise.  Who knows if I would have made a different choice.  The world we live in now is so different from the way it was back then.  It is hard for some to see how this would even be a choice.  It is just the way things were.  So now Ethel is in a nursing home, the children are in school soooooo I can go to school?  Nope, this time the State of Missouri has a plan. 

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a letter from the FSD devision of the state.  The fact is that due to my husbands current job, we really make very little money.  In addition there isn't any insurance for the children.  With Josh being diabetic we went to the state for help.  The children are on Medicaid and we get food stamps.  For those in my family who would look down on me for this decision, I would suggest that you take a hard look inside and think what you would tell your child who is hungry, wanting dinner, and the food storage is all gone.  I believe that faced with simular situation you too would go for help.  Anyway, we knew that if we put Ethel in a nursing home, I would have to return to work.  However we thought I would get to go to school first.  The fact is that I don't mind so much going back to work.  What I mind is that I don't get to go to school. 

Today I spent two and a half hours learning how to find a job.  Apperantly I have quite a lot of skills from being a mom all these years that are what they call "Transferable Skills" in the job force.  So this weekend I have to create a resume using this skill base.  Write cover letters and apply for at least four jobs each week for the next eight weeks or until I find a job, whatever comes first.  So now I have a new plan--find a job.  Maybe going back to school will come someday.  You never know, I could be that really old person, using a walker to get around on campus.  We will see.  It will be time, when it is time. 

So how do I feel about all this?  Fact is that I am quite angry.  Angry that a choice I made twenty-six years ago keeps coming back to bite me in the butt.  Angry that I grew up in a time that didn't value education for women, and because of that the only advise I could be given was to quit school.  So I have a few things to say. 

One if the proudest days of my life was the day Becky graduated from college, followed by Sarah graduating.  The were the pioneers in our family.  The first women to finish college.  They made it!!  I am so proud of Rachel for sticking with school even though she is married and it would be easier for her not to go.  I am proud of Mandy for continuing to find and begin again her education even though injury stopped her from her first choice--she too is still in school when it would be easier for her to not be in school.  I am proud of Barbara who is just starting out in college, so far from her family.  All of these amazing women moving forward, having gotten or currently getting thier education. 

MOTHERS; you who are bringing up this generation of daughters, teach your precious girls the importance of going to college, of getting as much education as they can.  You never know when you are going to need it.  In doing so you will be protecting them from a future with little or no choices. 

Am I sorry that I married Bill?  Absolutly NOT!!  He is the very air that I breathe, and the life we have created together has been a good life.  We have loved, laughed and we have lived.  We have been challenged and conquered many things.  We will conquere this as well.  We have been blessed and continue to be blessed.  I found this quote in my email today.  How timely...how needed.

"When the winds blow and the rains pour, they blow and pour on all. Those who have built their foundations on bedrock rather than sand survive the storms. There is a way to build on bedrock by developing a deep personal conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowing how to receive inspiration. We must know-and know that we know. We must stand spiritually and temporally independent of all worldly creatures. This begins by understanding that God the Father is the Father of our spirits and that He loves us, that Jesus Christ is our Redeemer and Savior, and that the Holy Ghost can communicate with our minds and our hearts. This is how we receive inspiration. We need to learn how to recognize and apply these promptings."

--Allan F. Packer, "Finding Strength in Challenging Times", Ensign, May 2009, 17-19