Sleepless in St Joe

Sometimes I think sleep is highly over rated.  Here I sit wondering just why I can't sleep.  I have checked all the kidlets (ok so they are NOT so small anymore) and all are slumbering away in the arms of Morpheus.  Me, my mind is just running lists.  Lists of things that need to be done.  Lists of future projects, both work on the house as well as craft.  Shopping lists.  Cleaning lists.  Lists of people I should call to see how they are doing.  Lists, lists, lists.  It just goes on and on.  Bill often tells me that my mind works in a hundred directions at once.  I sometimes laugh at that, picturing in my mind a giant spider web that circles round and round the many spokes that create each distinctive design.  Perhaps he is not so far off after all.  Tonight I can't seem to quiet my mind.  This is crazy, our home is quiet.  The terrible storm of this afternoon is past.  Nobody is out on camping trips--Well Rachel and Marcus are, but they are adults so I am not really worried about them.  All is peaceful with the exception of my mind running constant lists.   Fact is that sleeping is one of my problems.  I spend many nights restless or awake.  My doctor says that it is because I have cared for so many people at night and so don't have proper sleep patterns.  He gave me some exercises for my insomnia, and for the most part they work pretty well.  It is only the odd day out now that I don't sleep when I really want to sleep.  I can still stay up night after night when needed, however as my children have grown and now that I am no longer caring for Ethel, I don't need to stay up each night.  So now I long to sleep.  I will do the exercises once again tonight.  Perhaps soon I will sleep.

Hope

Hope Springs Eternal

This past week has been an adventure in hope.  Josh had his tonsils out 7 days ago.  For a teen this is a painful operation, but do-able.  For Josh nothing is ever simple when it comes to medical things.  Because he is diabetic, they didn't use the steroid that they usually us to keep down swelling.  Steroids and diabetes is a very bad combination--blood sugars act like they are on a roller coaster.  We went home a few hours after his surgery and as per doctor orders kept him pretty drugged.  Wednesday afternoon his throat was really starting to swell inside, so we pushed, forced, encouraged him to eat the Popsicles, and ice water to help reduce the swelling.  It helped a little bit, however by Thursday mid-morning we he started turning blue--fingernails, lips, skin was sort of grey.  Needless to say we rushed him to the Emergency Room.  They gave him a large bolus dose of steroid (and a couple of other meds I can't really remember as the days were starting to run together.  By that time I had been awake since early Tuesday morning.) Breathing is more important than blood sugars. Shortly afterwords he was admitted.  Well the roller coaster had begun, so by the next morning--Friday, Josh was transferred to Children's Mercy hospital in Kansas City.  I have to say that Bill and I both were rather relieved as Children's Mercy is where his diabetic doctors are, and the fact of the matter is that there is such a feeling of hope that you feel as soon as you walk in.  Not too long after we got there, it was decided that Josh would receive another even bigger bolus of steroid and a better pain medicine as well. The rest of Friday and all of Saturday was sort of rocky.  During the early hours of Sunday, Josh's blood sugar stabilized, and we were able to return home early Sunday evening.  At that point I still hadn't slept (fact is I didn't leave his side for more than bathroom breaks pretty much) I want to say that all of the doctors and nurses at both hospitals worked really hard.  They are a rare breed, doctors and nurses--I am thankful for their dedication, but most of all for their compassion.  Josh is doing better and will be able to join his brother and sister at school next Monday.

I have spent a lot of time in hospitals with Josh over the years.   As we were on our required walk abouts (Children's Mercy believes that children heal by doing "normal" things and NOT staying in their rooms, so as long as they are not in isolation, they are expected to go on walk about, even if it is a parent pushing a wheel chair.  The hospital is built for children's exploration, with not only play rooms in each section, but a library, music room, teen room and many halls of art to engage their interest, many courtyards to rest, read or visit with those who come to see you.)  Anyway while we were on our walk abouts, we met and visited with many other  parents and children, some who had spent years being in and out of hospitals like us, others who were brand new.  It filled my heart with joy to help some of these new parents.  Show them where things were, help them with their fears.  The general feeling though was one of hope--even with one girl I learned of.  She has been in the hospital for 5 months.  She has cancer and will probably not live for much longer.  She is a fantastic piano player and her parents have had a piano put in her room.  Downstairs in the main "Moon Lobby" is a grand piano.  I am told that even though she is weak and in great pain, she tries to go downstairs and play the grand piano once or twice each week.  I asked why she did that when there was a piano in her room.  Her parents told me that it because it gave others hope and joy, and that was all she had left to give.  The courage of these sick children fills me with amazement.  This is just one story, there are many.  I guess Josh is one of those now, as new parents were sent to talk with us about our journey in and out of hospitals since his birth.  It is humbling and yet I am continuously amazed at Josh's courage. 

Which brings me to other events--School started this past yesterday.  So far we are encouraged and are looking forward to a full and rewarding year. 

Looking forward, I now have 2 more weeks until I start school.  I am so excited that I can hardly stand it, and yet I am scared too.  It is a new beginning--a time to look to the future.  I fell in love with this picture recently, and was quite surprised when I found out that the name of it is "Looking to the future"

Endurance

I never realized just how much it takes to endure being sick until I had a few months of feeling really great.  For the past few months I have feeling really great.  I have lost 37 pounds, been walking most days, took a few trips,and learned some new things.  Mostly I have been able to work daily toward the goals I set for myself as I spent weeks on bedrest last fall and earlier this year.  But once again I am sick.   This time with pain in my chest.  The doctors ran a bazillion tests encluding a heart cath--my heart is good.  But now I have to heal from these tests before they can run some more so that hopefully we will know just what is causing the chest pain.  It is a fact that I have had a taste of being pretty healthy and now long for it once again, so I am impatient with being sick and just want the answer so we can fix it.  I wonder if my past endurance with pain and illness is that I really haven't known anything else for years, because for 3 months I felt free for the first time in years and right now I just feel trapped.  I guess I just need to zen out for a bit and trust that this is all part of the plan.  But I really need to get well soon, school starts on August 30.  I have plans and goals to reach--and a whole lot more weight.  I need to be able to move!

Where have I been. . .

I find myself amazed about the amount of people who have been calling to see if I was still alive as I haven't blogged for a bit.  Well................I have been a bit busy.  So I will catch you up with my summer so far.

Josh won an art contest for the Nestle/Purina factory and will have this picture displayed with other art winners for the next year. 

Then Jessica was in the Apple Blossom Parade.  She is the third one in on the Melephone row or the first blue uniform, not the red ones.

Next it was time to start seriously training for the summer swim team season.  I have to tell you, I really do like the smell of a swim pool.  It is a comforting smell for me.  I love swim season!!

So because we thought it would be a nice break, our family went to Independance MO to the church visitor center.  We had a wonderful visit which was directed by a lovely Sister Missionary.  She then took this picture of our family.  It is sort of weird to see our family shrinking at home.  However we still have plenty of laughter so we are content.  We are very blessed that our children are growing up to be honorable and loving.

Next came Josh's 8th grade graduation (they don't call it graduation, but as I am in Utah and he is in Missouri, he is not available for consultation as to what it was really called.  You have to look very hard to see Josh in the middle.  Yes for those who live in areas where there really is separation of chuch and state, this really is a Santuary of the Word of Life Church, and that is really where the "graduation" was.

Soooo.......during all of the above, I have been studying, and working really hard at not finding a job.  Then it was time for testing.  I did really well scoring in the 97-99% in the nation in all areas.  EVEN THE MATH!!!  For those who are interested, I really do know why we need an x in algebra now.  The great news is that I was able to test out of some of my classes for next fall.  And as to the next fall??? I am registered and will start on August 30th.  So I was busy testing and studying and well trying to find my house, when I got a call from my sister Annette.

She gave me some wonderful news.  My nephew Aaron was getting married. 

 

When you might ask?  Next Friday!  So I went to my and took the money that I was saving for yarn (who needs a silk sweater anyway)  and made reservations to rent a car and a motel room.  It was about this time that Bill went for a routine check up and it was decided that since he was supposed to have a heart stress test about six months after his cancer treatments, that now was a good time.  So why not do it Wednesday.  So he did.  Well something didn't look right to the tech during the echo cardiogram (is that one word or two) so they pulled up a previouse echocardiogram (still don't know about the one word or two) and it looked really different.  So later that afternoon we were in Dr Grants office (cardiologist extrodinair) and Bill was told that he needed an angiogram.  So that was set for the following morning.  Here is were the miracle happens.....When they did the angiogram the left main artery to the heart was 99.9% blocked.  They put a stint in.  Dr Grant told me that Bill was leading up to a massive heart attack that was probably days from happening.  He then said that if that would have happened, then the artery would have burst and he probably would have bled to death before help could arrive.  I am so blessed NOT to be a widow right now.  I am still in awe of our Heavenly Father's care of our family each day.  Dr Grant then put Bill on a manditory 7 day vacation, but said that he could ride in a car.  So Bill helped me make a wedding gift

 .

and then we went to southern Missouri to the wedding.

Well the wedding reception was first. It was one of the best wedding receptions I have ever been to. It was low key. A lovely pot luck dinner with a small program that followed. The soon to be newly weds ate first and then went from table to table to personally talk to each guest.

Aaron married Camillia Murdock (called Cami) who is a member of the Richardson Clan, a large and truely noble family.  She is one of 25 children in that family.   There are members who have been adopted from all over the world.  My only thoughts and feelings when I met this family was "wow, there is a whole lot of love here."  So Aaron now has a ton more family members.  I tried to get a picture of them all eating.  Here are Brother and Sister Richardson.

And the children eating.  Yes you do see 3 really long tables of children.

Friday morning, June 4, 2010 Aaron and Cami were sealed in the St Lewis Temple.   They were radiant as the came out of the temple.

 

The new extended in-laws for both of them.

Richardson Clan

Fairchild Clan

Cami and her brothers

Aaron and his brothers

Aaron and his sisters

Oh wait.....he has more sisters now

Annette and Jerry with Cami and Aaron

Cami and Aaron with Bill and I

After 1 1/2 hours of pictures in the St Lewis 90+ degree massive humidity weather, I told Aaron that I was leaving in 30 minutes and taking Matt's tux with me.  I though he might not want to be in it at the time.  Aaron was more than ready to sweep his bride off her feet and take her into the sunset.

The very next weekedn Bill and I traveled to Overland Park MO to attend a model car contest.  That brings me to my present Utah trip. . . .but that is for another blog!

Whew, glad that is done. . .

This was my last manditory day that I needed to search for a job.  Wow, I am so glad that is done for the next year.  Hopefully, I will have all of the requirements in place so I don't have to do this again next year. 

As much as I disliked this entire process for the last weeks, it has been an enormous learning and growing process.  So I think I will list some of them.

1.  I have great worth in the eyes of others besides my family. 
2.  I have many marketable skills.
3.  I can do math, even the dreaded--but interestingly quite fun algebra.
4.  Being a Mom is a viable career, and can be put on a resume.  It is also a respectable job when put properly on the resume, using big words to describe the bazillion things we do each day.
5.  Listing God as your supervisor for the Mom job on your job application, gets you an interview.  Be sure that you put down that they can contact your previous supervisor and that the phone number is "prayer."  Apparently that shows creativity and audacity, and is something that is valued in an employee.  It has also been followed up with job offers that then had to be turned down, unless they follow up with the $12 an hour I want and only 2 days a week--Sundays are NOT an option--we are waiting to see on that one.
6.  I am smart.
7.  Humor can keep you going when all you want to do is take a time out and cry. 
8.  Never underestimate the value of a long hot bath with Bath and Body works Milk and Honey bubble bath and vanilla candles. . .ahhhh!
9.  When it comes to computer apps and programs, I learn extreemly quickly.
10.  I have the best, most supportive family on the face of the earth.  No matter if it getting dinner fixed, or help with my homework, my Bill and my children have been there with thier love and support.  They have helped me after school, before bed, on the weekend or during the week, and even via web cam from far away.  I am truly blessed!

A Golden Envelope

On Wednesday, at lunch time, Bill picked me up from the Missouri Career Center, where I attend Adult Education Classes.  When we got home, he got the mail and there in his hand was an envelope that was a golden color.  The return address said it was from the admission office at Missouri Western.  He handed it to me, at that moment more excited than I was for me to open it.  I must admit that I was frightend to open this letter.  Inside was scary no matter what it said.  So I ripped it open to get it over with--you know, sort of like ripping off a band aid quickly?  Then there were the words.  "Congratulations.  Welcome to Western."  Wow, it is really happening.  I am going back to school.  I am filled with joy and fear all at once.  It has been so long.  This has been my dream for almost 3 decades, and here it is, right in front of me.  All these weeks I had hoped.  All these weeks I have been afraid that all of this was just a mirage, that I would have longer to wait, or perhaps I would never be able to go to school at all.    Yet here it is.  This is real.  Wow!

Slap Happy. . .

90 pages of math each week
90 pages of math
work the page
turn around
89 pages of math each week

89 pages of math each week
89 pages of math
work the page
turn around
88 pages of math each week

88 pages of math . . . . .

I am slowly going crazy
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch
crazy going slowly am I
6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

The weird thing is that I am really having fun.  Not a joke.  I really am.