Endurance

I never realized just how much it takes to endure being sick until I had a few months of feeling really great.  For the past few months I have feeling really great.  I have lost 37 pounds, been walking most days, took a few trips,and learned some new things.  Mostly I have been able to work daily toward the goals I set for myself as I spent weeks on bedrest last fall and earlier this year.  But once again I am sick.   This time with pain in my chest.  The doctors ran a bazillion tests encluding a heart cath--my heart is good.  But now I have to heal from these tests before they can run some more so that hopefully we will know just what is causing the chest pain.  It is a fact that I have had a taste of being pretty healthy and now long for it once again, so I am impatient with being sick and just want the answer so we can fix it.  I wonder if my past endurance with pain and illness is that I really haven't known anything else for years, because for 3 months I felt free for the first time in years and right now I just feel trapped.  I guess I just need to zen out for a bit and trust that this is all part of the plan.  But I really need to get well soon, school starts on August 30.  I have plans and goals to reach--and a whole lot more weight.  I need to be able to move!

Where have I been. . .

I find myself amazed about the amount of people who have been calling to see if I was still alive as I haven't blogged for a bit.  Well................I have been a bit busy.  So I will catch you up with my summer so far.

Josh won an art contest for the Nestle/Purina factory and will have this picture displayed with other art winners for the next year. 

Then Jessica was in the Apple Blossom Parade.  She is the third one in on the Melephone row or the first blue uniform, not the red ones.

Next it was time to start seriously training for the summer swim team season.  I have to tell you, I really do like the smell of a swim pool.  It is a comforting smell for me.  I love swim season!!

So because we thought it would be a nice break, our family went to Independance MO to the church visitor center.  We had a wonderful visit which was directed by a lovely Sister Missionary.  She then took this picture of our family.  It is sort of weird to see our family shrinking at home.  However we still have plenty of laughter so we are content.  We are very blessed that our children are growing up to be honorable and loving.

Next came Josh's 8th grade graduation (they don't call it graduation, but as I am in Utah and he is in Missouri, he is not available for consultation as to what it was really called.  You have to look very hard to see Josh in the middle.  Yes for those who live in areas where there really is separation of chuch and state, this really is a Santuary of the Word of Life Church, and that is really where the "graduation" was.

Soooo.......during all of the above, I have been studying, and working really hard at not finding a job.  Then it was time for testing.  I did really well scoring in the 97-99% in the nation in all areas.  EVEN THE MATH!!!  For those who are interested, I really do know why we need an x in algebra now.  The great news is that I was able to test out of some of my classes for next fall.  And as to the next fall??? I am registered and will start on August 30th.  So I was busy testing and studying and well trying to find my house, when I got a call from my sister Annette.

She gave me some wonderful news.  My nephew Aaron was getting married. 

 

When you might ask?  Next Friday!  So I went to my and took the money that I was saving for yarn (who needs a silk sweater anyway)  and made reservations to rent a car and a motel room.  It was about this time that Bill went for a routine check up and it was decided that since he was supposed to have a heart stress test about six months after his cancer treatments, that now was a good time.  So why not do it Wednesday.  So he did.  Well something didn't look right to the tech during the echo cardiogram (is that one word or two) so they pulled up a previouse echocardiogram (still don't know about the one word or two) and it looked really different.  So later that afternoon we were in Dr Grants office (cardiologist extrodinair) and Bill was told that he needed an angiogram.  So that was set for the following morning.  Here is were the miracle happens.....When they did the angiogram the left main artery to the heart was 99.9% blocked.  They put a stint in.  Dr Grant told me that Bill was leading up to a massive heart attack that was probably days from happening.  He then said that if that would have happened, then the artery would have burst and he probably would have bled to death before help could arrive.  I am so blessed NOT to be a widow right now.  I am still in awe of our Heavenly Father's care of our family each day.  Dr Grant then put Bill on a manditory 7 day vacation, but said that he could ride in a car.  So Bill helped me make a wedding gift

 .

and then we went to southern Missouri to the wedding.

Well the wedding reception was first. It was one of the best wedding receptions I have ever been to. It was low key. A lovely pot luck dinner with a small program that followed. The soon to be newly weds ate first and then went from table to table to personally talk to each guest.

Aaron married Camillia Murdock (called Cami) who is a member of the Richardson Clan, a large and truely noble family.  She is one of 25 children in that family.   There are members who have been adopted from all over the world.  My only thoughts and feelings when I met this family was "wow, there is a whole lot of love here."  So Aaron now has a ton more family members.  I tried to get a picture of them all eating.  Here are Brother and Sister Richardson.

And the children eating.  Yes you do see 3 really long tables of children.

Friday morning, June 4, 2010 Aaron and Cami were sealed in the St Lewis Temple.   They were radiant as the came out of the temple.

 

The new extended in-laws for both of them.

Richardson Clan

Fairchild Clan

Cami and her brothers

Aaron and his brothers

Aaron and his sisters

Oh wait.....he has more sisters now

Annette and Jerry with Cami and Aaron

Cami and Aaron with Bill and I

After 1 1/2 hours of pictures in the St Lewis 90+ degree massive humidity weather, I told Aaron that I was leaving in 30 minutes and taking Matt's tux with me.  I though he might not want to be in it at the time.  Aaron was more than ready to sweep his bride off her feet and take her into the sunset.

The very next weekedn Bill and I traveled to Overland Park MO to attend a model car contest.  That brings me to my present Utah trip. . . .but that is for another blog!

Whew, glad that is done. . .

This was my last manditory day that I needed to search for a job.  Wow, I am so glad that is done for the next year.  Hopefully, I will have all of the requirements in place so I don't have to do this again next year. 

As much as I disliked this entire process for the last weeks, it has been an enormous learning and growing process.  So I think I will list some of them.

1.  I have great worth in the eyes of others besides my family. 
2.  I have many marketable skills.
3.  I can do math, even the dreaded--but interestingly quite fun algebra.
4.  Being a Mom is a viable career, and can be put on a resume.  It is also a respectable job when put properly on the resume, using big words to describe the bazillion things we do each day.
5.  Listing God as your supervisor for the Mom job on your job application, gets you an interview.  Be sure that you put down that they can contact your previous supervisor and that the phone number is "prayer."  Apparently that shows creativity and audacity, and is something that is valued in an employee.  It has also been followed up with job offers that then had to be turned down, unless they follow up with the $12 an hour I want and only 2 days a week--Sundays are NOT an option--we are waiting to see on that one.
6.  I am smart.
7.  Humor can keep you going when all you want to do is take a time out and cry. 
8.  Never underestimate the value of a long hot bath with Bath and Body works Milk and Honey bubble bath and vanilla candles. . .ahhhh!
9.  When it comes to computer apps and programs, I learn extreemly quickly.
10.  I have the best, most supportive family on the face of the earth.  No matter if it getting dinner fixed, or help with my homework, my Bill and my children have been there with thier love and support.  They have helped me after school, before bed, on the weekend or during the week, and even via web cam from far away.  I am truly blessed!

A Golden Envelope

On Wednesday, at lunch time, Bill picked me up from the Missouri Career Center, where I attend Adult Education Classes.  When we got home, he got the mail and there in his hand was an envelope that was a golden color.  The return address said it was from the admission office at Missouri Western.  He handed it to me, at that moment more excited than I was for me to open it.  I must admit that I was frightend to open this letter.  Inside was scary no matter what it said.  So I ripped it open to get it over with--you know, sort of like ripping off a band aid quickly?  Then there were the words.  "Congratulations.  Welcome to Western."  Wow, it is really happening.  I am going back to school.  I am filled with joy and fear all at once.  It has been so long.  This has been my dream for almost 3 decades, and here it is, right in front of me.  All these weeks I had hoped.  All these weeks I have been afraid that all of this was just a mirage, that I would have longer to wait, or perhaps I would never be able to go to school at all.    Yet here it is.  This is real.  Wow!

Slap Happy. . .

90 pages of math each week
90 pages of math
work the page
turn around
89 pages of math each week

89 pages of math each week
89 pages of math
work the page
turn around
88 pages of math each week

88 pages of math . . . . .

I am slowly going crazy
1 2 3 4 5 6 switch
crazy going slowly am I
6 5 4 3 2 1 switch

The weird thing is that I am really having fun.  Not a joke.  I really am.

Math Is A Language

So this morning I was sitting here doing my homework--you can't believe how much home work I have--thinking about how funny it is that I have more homework than any of the children. It seems that somewhere in my brain I know how to do all of this, but I don't understand it when it is written. My instructor says it is like a child who knows how to speak a langauge but has yet learned how to read or write it. I just need to learn the reading and writing of Math. This has made it much easier and at times harder for me because if you give it to me in a story problem, I know the answer almost as before you finish the question, however written out, I struggle.  Meanwhile I am trying to connect the "Math Neurons" in my brain so that it all makes sense, the reading and writing of Math . It is slow. Good news is that it is coming along. Bad news is that the Adult Education looses its funding on here on June 30th due to budget cuts so instead of the 12 instructors that are in Buchanan County, there will be just 1 for both Buchanan and Andrews county. So unless I want to travel to where the teacher is, then I have to finish before then. They tell me that I am getting about 3 years of instruction--if it was in public school--in about 6 weeks. It is sort of stressful--what if I don't get it fast enough?  Probably not the best kind of thinking.  So I will just push forward and soak it up just as fast as I can.  Well back to my homework.......someday I will be able to knit again.  I haven't knit a stitch since General Conference.  Homework .........

Change

Change is a funny thing.  We get comfortable with our lives and then a small thing can cause huge shock waves in the status quo.  My life for the past 5 weeks has been all about change.  It is the middle of the night and yet I can't sleep for thinking how a simple drop in the pond has radiated out into massive ripples that keep moving faster and faster.   I wonder where it will all lead.  My mind tries to figure it all out and so I can't sleep.  The doctors keep saying "write about it" so here I am throwing my thoughts out to the great web cosmos and perhaps then I will be able to sleep.

It all started with a letter, then the job search, and then my dream of going to school is right in front of me.  I can almost touch it, and yet I wonder if it is now going to be my reality or if it will remain a dream.  Only more time will tell.  Meanwhile I continue to put in my applications.  Doing everything exactly right, all the while praying with everything in me that I do NOT get the job.  I am now in the last half of my job search journey.  Five of the eight weeks are finished.  I am told that when they are finished, the state will leave me alone for 1 year.  If I get a job, I can't go to school.  It is that simple.  It was alright when I was just filling out applications, but now I have started getting job interviews.  It is scary.  My own honor will not allow me to mess up on an interview.  My own honor will probably get me a job, and yet I can't do this any other way.  How can I teach my children about honor, if I have none?  So I am dressed right and do my best as always.  Last Monday I was offered a job.  A good job.  The only downside is that I would have to work most Sundays.  I walked away.  It feels like the right thing to do.  I made it a matter of prayer, again, how can I teach my children to keep the Sabbath Day if I do not.  I find myself thankful that I only have to log and report the interview and not the results.  I am also thankful that Missouri has a law about jobs and religion.  I don't know much about it, but I don't have to take a job that is contrary to my religion.  Working on Sundays is not for me. 

About the same time as I got the letter, I decided that it was time to take a look at who I am.  When I look in the mirror I like who I am.  However I don't like how I look.  So I am working on remaking me.  I joined Weight Watchers.  So far I am doing pretty good.  I am pleased that it is so easy to follow and that it is about lifestyle changes and choices and not a diet.  One of the side benefits is the walking challenge that started a couple of weeks ago.  The challenge is to walk a 5K walk before the end of June.  When I first heard of it, I felt that I couldn't do that.  But as I began to read more about it I found a training schedule that took a total couch potato to be able to do the 5K in 6 weeks.  The only hitch is that I needed a walking buddy.  Bill said he thought he could do it with me.  It is nice to walk, hand in hand, just Bill and I each day.  We haven't done anything like this since we were first married.  This is a good thing.  My greatest challenge so far is tracking.  I have taken the attitude that if I bite it, I must write it. (I don't think big toes count Uncle Mike--but if you give me the point value, I will count it)  So far I start out the week really good in writing everything down.  Then along about Tuesday I lag behind and well that is all she wrote--literally.  My week starts on Friday, but by Tuesday life seems to be so busy, I just forget.  Still I continue to persue this and hopefully I will be able to make it into a habit.  I know I can do this.

A friend suggested that I look into Adult Education for brush up courses in areas that I need them, especially Math.  So I go for 8 hours each week and they give me about 15 hours of homework.  They tell me I am learning fast.  I don't feel that way though.  I come home, my head pounding like then entire drumline is practicing inside, and wonder if I will ever get it.  Good news--I do understand why there needs to be an x now.  It makes sense.  

I see my children work on thier homework--working with math that is far beyond where I am right now.  They are so smart.  I wonder if I can even do this.  My brain hurts.  I can do many things, but this makes my brain hurt.  I feel slow, like trying to forge a stream that is filled with thick gloppy mud.  I wonder if it might not be better that I get a job.  Our family could really use the money.  

Change is a scary word.  Everything changes.  Nothing stays the same.  Change is what we all must do.