Crossroads....

Every summer our family would gather together in Salt Lake City for the Martin Family Reunion.  That meant that we ate a picnic and the children played while the adults talked.  It was pretty boring then and later as an adult I still thought it was boring.  However on drive from Pocatello we would stop at a spot that my Grandpa called Crossroads.  We were pretty happy to stop...we could finally go to the bathroom....there was a restaurant that we would get a good breakfast (except me, because I got so carsick) but it was one of those old-time diners where the waitresses were awesome and they usually found me some biscuits that would settle my tummy and a bucket just in case it didn't work.  Crossroads to me at that time was a break from our journey to and from home.  It was met with excitement and joy for the break from the back of the van.  For me, it was a time that my tummy was quiet.  Recently this term has grown to mean something very different for me.

I have always seemed to know my role in life....that of a wife and mother.  I have taken great joy in the role, raising my children, seeing the world through their eyes, seeing the wonderful people they have become.  I have loved being a wife.  There is just something about having your best friend beside you day by day to hold your hand and to love.  However my daily role as a mother is in a state of change.  I blinked and those precious children grew up.  And while they tell me they still need me, it is not the same as it was even a few years ago.  So I am at a crossroads.....

While I was in school, this didn't seem to bother me as much because I was so busy with homework and getting good grades.  Now, though I look at them and am proud of how self-sufficient they have become.  They are amazing!  I know the next step is for me to go out into the world and find a job, but that is new and sometimes new is scary.  

So here I am at a crossroads.  I am still a wife and a mother, but I need to find a job and make a plan for the next phase of my life.  Knowing this and knowing just how scared I am, I believe that I am going to have to adjust my attitude just a bit.  Perhaps the thing to do, is to look at this crossroads as I did as a child....as a break, something exciting to look forward to with joy.  Of course the queasy tummy I could do with out.....